Ups and Downs

It's been a fast and slow couple of months. The days have been flying by but the moments have sometimes been dragging on.

Relationships are important. Love relationships are even more important. All relationships change, and it is through the juxtaposition of myself next to the various relationships that I've been able to maintain that I can evaluate who I am and how I have changed.

When so much is changing all around you it is sometimes easy to let the small things fall through the cracks. For a short while that may be ok. But in the long run, the small make up the big - and if you keep letting the small things slip by then you may just end up losing it all.

I am going through a big reorientation of self right now. I am weeding through what I once knew and what I know now, evaluating what has transpired and blending it all together to decide who I want to become.

Parts of me have become comatose during this period of change and adjustment. Only now are these parts of me reawakening. I have been keeping myself in a tightly focused direction, because to let myself go would mean the dissolution of all of my ability to understand my immediate purpose in day to day life. I am getting stronger now, and loosening my blinders to open my mind and heart again to the rich surroundings of my personal and internal world.

Keeping this tight direction has made me start to stumble - and I would be up for a fall if I could not bring myself to look up. The downs are always good though, because they make the ups possible. For me, its just important that I climb higher than I fall.

To those who keep up with the developments of this blog, I apologize for the series of reflective entries, and the lack of filler in between. My absence was a low of sorts, and the upswing promises to be more productive and insightful than ever before.

The Search for the Soul continues

Life Pulls

In so many different directions. It's amazing to think about all the different people that I know across the globe and what they are doing now. What situations they have found themselves in. How different their daily realities are than my own. I have found myself recently nostalgic, finding myself in memories with all those different people reminiscing about how "good" the old times were. It's interesting how I romanticize memories and people sometimes. When I truly think about it though, I realize that at the time of that particular memory, I didn't think what was going on was really the "Bees Knees" like it seems in a daydream. I remember at those times I was usually dreaming about using my life for something more, something different... and all that dreaming brought me here.

It's funny how we AIESECers tend to romanticize the AIESEC dream across the world, like it's really cherry pie and ice cream like it looks like in pictures and sounds like in the legendary stories. The truth is, it's one the hardest thing you could ever do. There are moments of grace and others of the fall. Then there are the moments where you forget what you are really doing and just let the juices flow. And then come the moments of reflection when you remember where you are and you realize what you are doing. Moments of disbelief, and awe. There is something truly bigger than one individual at work here.

Of course, put your work in for those relationships that matter most to you.