Reflecting on not Being Reflective Enough
I don't know what it is lately, and by lately I mean the last few months. For some reason, I have felt a bit uninspired, like I'm settling too far into a groove that just doesn't fit right. Progress is good in Oman, and in many respects is great, yet there have been too many times in my opinion where I just feel like I'm going through the motions. Perhaps its that time of year, students are out of school, businesses are slow, something like that. But more often now, I'm thinking that I've been out of school, and my business of personal dreaming and theorizing has been way too slow.
I have always been the kind of person that thrives on mind-churning. I had convinced myself that I could never slip into boredom because I could always rely on my mind-machine to continue to grind through the moments, musing on the wheres, whos, whats, whens and whys of the mundane to the fantastically complex. Now, I find myself in situations where I'm thinking, "When can I make the next step, what is going to be the right fit for me, who do I want to surround myself with, what part of the world do I want to live in... What do I want to do with my life and Why?" All of these things are good to think about, in fact they are great! But I am finding myself too often, thinking about them with an overly considerate worry - like there is something critical that I should be doing right now to make sure all of those other things turn out alright in the future. To be sharply honest, at times I have let myself lose my faith in my present choice of projects and pursuits in bringing me where I want to be. Happily though, I know that that particular fear is based on utter untruths.
There remains a possibility that I am not challenging myself in the right ways here. This experience in Oman has been similar in some ways to my experiences in France and Morocco - but completely different in so many others. It has been similar in the fact that it has brought me far away from the people I love and care about, and challenged my world view in a very fundamental way. Yet it has been so very different in the amount of forced cultural contrasts and confusions that enriched those experiences. And then I begin to realize that a lot of those experiences, those challenges - may be happening in different ways.
Abdulazziz and his cousin Zahar just walked in the door to our house unannounced - case in point.
I have always been the kind of person that thrives on mind-churning. I had convinced myself that I could never slip into boredom because I could always rely on my mind-machine to continue to grind through the moments, musing on the wheres, whos, whats, whens and whys of the mundane to the fantastically complex. Now, I find myself in situations where I'm thinking, "When can I make the next step, what is going to be the right fit for me, who do I want to surround myself with, what part of the world do I want to live in... What do I want to do with my life and Why?" All of these things are good to think about, in fact they are great! But I am finding myself too often, thinking about them with an overly considerate worry - like there is something critical that I should be doing right now to make sure all of those other things turn out alright in the future. To be sharply honest, at times I have let myself lose my faith in my present choice of projects and pursuits in bringing me where I want to be. Happily though, I know that that particular fear is based on utter untruths.
There remains a possibility that I am not challenging myself in the right ways here. This experience in Oman has been similar in some ways to my experiences in France and Morocco - but completely different in so many others. It has been similar in the fact that it has brought me far away from the people I love and care about, and challenged my world view in a very fundamental way. Yet it has been so very different in the amount of forced cultural contrasts and confusions that enriched those experiences. And then I begin to realize that a lot of those experiences, those challenges - may be happening in different ways.
Abdulazziz and his cousin Zahar just walked in the door to our house unannounced - case in point.
Labels: Reflections
posted by snirapnotreknipnnyldrahcir at
9:38 AM
2 Comments:
I think life is very much what you make of it. You make your decisions and you have to live with them. The experience (like Oman, perhaps) may not be what you initially expected, but the lessons you learned, the things you've done, and the experience you've gained are a step in the direction to wherever it is you're going. Even if you're not quite sure where that is, I think you'll end up where you want to be. Life has a funny way of revealing it's truth when you're not looking.
I've pondered many of the same things lately, questioning if I still have the passion, the drive inside of me that I could identify so much easier in France, Colombia...wondering how long I should "settle" in New York before I become too comfortable. You will know what's right when the opportunity arises.
VEGAS reunion!! see you soon :)
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